The ReiQueer Pod Episode #1: The Birth of The ReiQueer & Spiritual Imposter Syndrome

There’s a certain type of fear, that I think is fair to consider as the cousin or distant sibling to “the fear of missing out” and even “the fear of looking stupid”, (FOMO and FOLS , respectively). It’s “the fear of being seen” which if you’re asking me, is kind of like the fraternal twin to “the fear of getting what you want”.

When I think about The ReiQueer Podcast, it’s the latter that gets me the most. In my mind, I’ve always aligned the process of creating art with that of conception. The similarities are far too many to be coincidental. The exciting fever of a brainstorm, the passion that unwinds as the ideas flow and unfurl, the gestational period of growing and nurturing your newborn or newfound creation and then finally the complicated sting and (at times) laborious mission of giving it life and sharing it with the world. 

And then what?

This is where “the fear of being seen” comes into play. But one thing I’ve really been trying to lean into to, is doing it anyway.

In 2025 the instinct for freedom feels more necessary than ever, and with my little piece of the internet, I’ve decided to re-gift myself the nerve to do whatever the hell I want. Expression unburdened by expectation and fueled only by the simple joy of creating and sharing has become my new heaven. 

Episode 1 of The ReiQueer Pod dives into where I was at personally when I began to study Reiki, and made the decision to step into being “The ReiQueer”. At my lowest point, I was brought to a certain level of humility that saw myself in my most stripped-down and vulnerable, and created a foundational bond to this healing modality, that I really don’t know I could have accessed otherwise.

What no one tells you about this type of work, is how intune with your ego you must be. No, not trying to “kill” your ego - Which, as I talk about in the pod is a hilarious trick cooked up from the ego’s very own mind. Spoiler alert: It is undoubtedly the poorly disguised ego that tells us that we can become a better version of ourselves by “killing” the ego. It’s impossible! The ego is a side-effect of being human, and therefore never fully disappears just because we will it to do so. 

When I showed up to my first Reiki class, I felt as though my life was a totebag that had just been dumped out onto the subway floor. I was empty and starting over again with nothing but my vessel, but oh, what room I finally had to reinvest into myself, and arrive to myself on my knees with no clear direction but a desperate desire to regain my own trust.

The spiritual imposter syndrome hit me hard. I couldn’t make it through a class without sobbing, sometimes excusing myself to the bathroom when I was too ashamed to be witnessed in such a state of dissolve. Was I even doing this right? How could anyone trust me to witness such a sacred part of their spiritual journey, when I felt so wildly off-kilter myself?

What I didn’t know at the time was how Reiki would hold and support me in this process of raw rebirth and self-reconnection. My ego appeared, not in a way that inflated my pride, but in a way that slithered across my open wounds and inflamed my selfdoubt. 

Reiki loved me and I loved it back, fiercely. Sitting with my fellow practitioners, learning and crying and sharing and breathing through the guidance of my teacher and mentor, gifted me an ancient strength that shocked and reaffirmed me. It was pure magic. Following the threads of my own trauma brought me again and again to fields of compassion and degree by degree, I learned to forgive myself. 

It’s a wonderful melancholy to think back to those days, the early days of my practice and the people I’ve had the privilege to support through their own healing and wellness journeys. 

When it comes to activating your purpose, I promise that you will find your way regardless of where you are in life. 

Until next time babies,

Chloe, The ReiQueer✨