The ReiQueer Pod Episode #2: Lessons in Heartbreak & The Time/Fate Theory

“It gets better” has to be the best and worst advice of all time.

As a kid, whenever I was on the receiving end of it, my immediate silent retort would always be “Maybe it gets better one day. But it’s today. And today fucking sucks.”

It’s arguably a privilege in itself to finally be on the other side of “It gets better”, either being in the position to say it to someone else or realizing that you’re gloriously, miraculously experiencing the “better” in question.

In episode 2 of The ReiQueer Pod, I share some of my “better” in the context of overcoming romantic heartbreak and the lessons that have settled into the places where the wounds once ached. Time, I believe, is some of the best medicine. I could almost drown in waves of gratitude when I think of how the situations I was sure I could never survive have now been alchemized into lessons in self-compassion. 

At my lowest, two paths appeared before me: Harden or crack. I’ll be honest, the bubble of safety I created for myself had taken on the qualities of a veneer. Smooth, hard, yet thin and brittle. The shattering was painfully glorious; each crack forming a web of surrender. I oozed out of the sides, uncontained and free with newfound space. There was room to grieve, room to die, room to be surprised at the kernel of life that survived each disaster.

Humbled by the forces of time and fate, I decided to become a student of my own life, observing and caring for myself like something precious, something worth protecting. Setting fire to the pedestal on which I worshiped romance fueled the passion and fierce loyalty I was able to give to my chosen family and closest friends. Removing the burden to detect deception and the delusion that true love can exist with betrayal, returned to me my life, damaged as it was.

The aftermath of heartbreak has led us to wars, crimes, violence, art. Its power is so transformative that without steadfast love to anchor us, its potential for destruction is deadly. 

For those of us on the other side, who have buried parts of our dreams and pieces of our past selves, I hope we can always remember to create moments of joy. Sweet, rich moments that are ripe with the safety of true love from ourselves and those who truly see us.

It’s a joy to share with you these relics from my time-travels. 

Until next time,

Chloe, The ReiQueer ✨